Dear Mom....

I called my mom Saturday afternoon to give her the great news.
There was a 0% chance that I would ever be a stripper

She asked me how I came to this conclusion, and I informed her that myself, Erica and Kami had taken a pole 'fitness' class that morning, and we'd left feeling like we'd been mugged.

I have a pole burn on my wrist that claimed
a good sized piece of flesh,
a bruise on my foot,
a skinned knee from where my graceful self
ran into the floor, and every muscle in my body
has decided to take a vacation,
causing me to involuntarily trip, spasm and cry in my sleep.

And so, dear mother, your darling daughter shall never take up occupancy on another pole as long as she lives.

(Which, with any luck, won't be much longer
since I've been begging for death to take me!) ;)