Even the trannys are hotter than me.

Dear Las Vegas,

I love you for so many reasons.  Your pretty lights, your exciting atmosphere.
People come to you for a good time, and you don't fail them.
But at the same time, you totally make people feel like shit.
You're full of so many pretty, pretty ladies.
It's hard for a little country girl to compete with the style and fashion of a big city.
I've agonized over what to pack when I come to you for weeks. And now on the eve of my departure, I've totally given up.
Every year I come to you, and every year there's the equivalent of 500 Kardashian sisters waiting for me at the airport.  Seriously bitches, please explain to me how you walk around all day in 4" heels.
I digress.
Las Vegas, I love you, but I seriously hate how frumpy you make me feel.

Hugs & Kisses,
ern.

Sorry Harley, you can't come with Mommy :(

Reason #812 why I should keep Manny. And probably why he should dump me.

Me: Did you turn the heater off?
Manny: No. Did you?
No. You were the last one downstairs.
Yeah, but you're the Ice Queen Heater Nazi.
Whatever.     Do you think there's air in the microwave?
Air in the microwave?
Yeah... for like... plants and stuff.
*sigh*  Did you put your pansies in the microwave?
Yeah..... Can you put them in the bathroom where the cats can't get them and shut the door?
Why do I need to put them where the cats can't get them if I shut the door?
Because they can totally open the door! Hello! And then they'll eat them and there will be pansy puke ALL OVER!
*sigh*
Manny?
Yeah.
I have a pain in my side right now so if my appendix bursts in the night and I die, you can tell them what it was, k?
......ok.

Bring on the hate!

Today, I am the girl everyone hates.

And I couldn't be more happy about it.




There are several women in the office currently trying to lose weight.
And TODAY, I'm the one that can say she's lost 9 lbs.

Giddy UP.

I have literally been working my ASS OFF.  I've been riding my exercise bike like a friggin' maniac and I've been taking salads and sandwiches to work for lunch. 

Oh and me and my arch nemesis Water have totally made up. We're bff's now. We had a truce that I'd drink it, as long as it quits ruining all my electronics and trying to drown me and stuff.

I feel good. Better than I ever have about being motivated.

Last Saturday I was talking with some girls about hating skinny skanks. About how they can wear whatever they want and trendy things are always so much cuter if you're 110 lbs.  It was a hatefest towards girls in skinny jeans and slutty tank tops.  Really though, it was mostly about jealousy.

BUT.

If I ever get skinny again, I'm definitely dressing like a slut. Because I can.
And I can hardly wait to get my shit talked on.

omg. new blog.

Hello lovers! I want to welcome you to my new place.

One that still smells a little like the last one, but all the baseboards are clean.
Let's be honest. When the baseboards are dirty, it's time to just up and move.
Or get a maid.  But who has money for that shit?

I moved all my old blogs to this new site because frankly, I hated myself for going private. I'm not someone that hides from the world!  
I am, however, someone that runs away like a pussy.
I've accepted this.

Welcome to my world of weirdness. Come as you are.
Unless you're hateful.  Or cuter than me.  Yeah.

kisses!

One crafty bitch.

PART ONE:  Sweater vest

This is what happens when no one is around to take a picture of me in my sweater vest. I take like, four thousand pictures of myself hoping to get one that's moderately acceptable..... 

And when I don't... I just start being a jackass.

Sorry you can't really see anywhere except the boob region of the sweater. Contrary to Manuel's claims that I have Orangutan arms.... they aren't long enough to get a full-sweater shot.

This piece was a little bit of a challenge since the original pattern had the neckline finishing quite a bit higher and going right into the cowl. Well, as you may have read here,  I wasn't really a fan of that. It needed to be changed.

I think it turned out pretty good, considering I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Altering patterns is kinda scary, like the whole think might spontaneously combust or something.   It must have been pretty obvious that I was nervous about it since I got teased at knitting group for just sitting and staring at it :)

I'll get started on the cowl next, and hopefully get a chance to wear it once before it gets too warm. Knitting season is almost over!
Maybe I'll even have someone else take a picture of it when I'm done :)


PART TWO:  Aprons

My parents are ridiculously hard to shop for.  They pretty much just buy whatever they want. And they don't want very much.

For as long as I can remember, anytime you ask my mother what she wants for her birthday or Christmas, she replies with, "World peace".
Wow. Thanks mom. That's great. Way to make a kid feel like a total failure when they can't come through with mom's only wish....

While cleaning the craft room (aka  imaginative ground zero) last week, I came across some fabric that my mom had bought years ago for me to make her aprons with.   I think I'd made her one.  I thought that'd be pretty perfect, so I started cutting one out... and then realized that I'd cut it with the fabric pattern upside down.  Super great start, ern. Super great. 
With my sewing skills a little rusty, it took me longer than expected, but they turned out great and I think she was pleased with them.  Until she asked where the bunny fabric one was......  *sigh*



PART THREE:  Pending Projects

On my trip to Wal-Mart to replace the "bunny" fabric I ruined with something else, I found some fabric that was PERFECT for drapes in my living room. I've always wanted long whiteish drapes on my bay windows and found this fabric for $2 a yard!  I hate Wal-Mart.    They make it too damn cheap NOT to shop there :( Stupid corporate whores.
When I can afford metal thingamagigs I want to hang them from, I'll get started on them. 

On the SAME trip to the "Evil Empire" as my boss lovingly refers to Wal-Mart, this pattern caught my eye. 

Me and B-Dawg had already planned on taking a bag sewing class, but it's not till the end of April, and these patterns reminded me of  Fresh Tomatoes bags, which are AMAZING.  Jess is so talented and finds the greatest fabrics and maybe I just want to be like her!!!  Oh, that and I have a serious bag addiction that I should probably find a sponsor to help me with.

Part of me thought that it would be so fun to make these, and after I got home and opened the pattern and started reading through it, I decided I was out of my mind.  I should probably just wait till the class since I'm retarded and need to be shown how to do things instead of told. 

Oh, I also revised my will this weekend.  Greg will now be receiving all of my worldly possessions when I die because he's the only person that religiously comments on my posts (read: the only person that really loves me. :)

Home is where you go to curl into the fetal position and sob like a toddler.

Yesterday was pretty much the worst day EVER.  I've had a pretty good track record at not being a complete fuckup at my job, until yesterday.

We always joke around here that you shouldn't ever let anyone know that you're competent, because people will just keep stacking jobs on you if they know you can handle it. 

Well, yesterday I proved my incompetency. Hardcore.

It seems like sometimes you get so lackadaisical in your job that it's mostly effortless. You do the same things every week, and everything is fine.

Then, the universe comes down with a cosmic bitch slap and regulates you back to reality. Reminds you to pay attention, work a little harder.

I screwed up. Big time.

I asked my boss if he wanted me to throw my plant in the garbage, he said, 

"Why, was that the problem?"

"No Casey, that means that you're fired."

"Nah, shit happens."

Words of wisdom, right there.

"Do you want to slug me in the arm one time?"

"No, I think I'm good."

"Really? Cuz I'd totally let you right now...."

".....I'm good..."

That was the extent of the tongue lashing I'd been expecting, but I still don't feel any better about costing the company MILLIONS of dollars.
Ok, thousands. But thousands sounds like a lot less after I said millions, right?

Anyway, after a day-long pity party, I went home and decided I'd had enough depression, and I was going to take down all my snow related decorations. It's funny how excited I get to put up things, then by the time that season has passed, I'm really tired of them and I'm ready to move on.
So last night was the beginning of spring at the Young-Maes household.

As I wandered around thinking where to put things, I noticed that after all the time I'd tried to make my house feel like me, I think I've finally succeeded.
It's weird, and has weird stuff in it. It feels uber comfortable. I'm surrounded by things that make me happy.
Thinking these things made my totally terrible day a little better, so I thought I'd share some of them with you guys :)

I love my bookcases.  I had a sled up there with some rusty snowflakes and Christmas lights and took them down and constructed this.  The two photos on the right are mine, and the one on the left is an Ansel Adams, donated to the cause by dear Benny.  I left the Christmas lights up there and hid them all behind the photos for kindof an ambient lighting effect. Pretty cool.

 

Manny bought me this chandelier for Christmas and I absolutely love it.  When I first moved into my house, I thought that space would be perfect for one, and I was right. It finishes off the funk delightfully.  :)

This whole part of my living room.  Just looking at it makes me happy.

 

Gas/oil can collection.  One of the super odd things I like to collect.  

Don't even ask me why.

My Christmas cactus that's about to bloom... until my cats notice and decide to eat all the blooms off.   Oh, also LOVE the pots that my sister made for my birthday one year. And she says she's not crafty.....   They're more special than anything she could have bought :)

GIANT fake daisies. Usually I'm a proponent for the death penalty on all things fake-floral related, but for some reason I really get off on fake gerberas. 

They look like summer and make me smile :)

Hope you all had a better day than I had, here's to hopefully another 10 years, fuckup free!      xoxo