Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It's my birthday, and I'll make outrageous demands if I want to!

In anticipation of my birthday, I present you with my ten page, double spaced, typewritten essay of subtle gift hints for all my generous friends.
They appear in no particular order.
I know that you never know what to get me every year, so this year I'm making it super easy. I've included something for every budget.
[Read: Scroll alllll the way down, cheapos]
You might want to consult each other so I don't get multiples.
That'd be greeeeaat.




* Mother Effn iPad.

  
Why I love you: Hello brilliance, come to Mommy.  Seriously, this thing is a big giant bowl of badass smashed into a sleek touchscreen orgasm.
Yeah, you heard me.
What CAN'T this thing do?
It's so awesome that I heard you'll go blind if you play with it for too long.

Why I hate you: Steve Jobs would probably end up personally repossessing everything I own when I go bankrupt from purchasing movies, music and apps from the iTunes Store.






* iPod Touch


 
Why I love you: You can still do a lot of super neat shit. And you fit in my pocket.
The only other iPod I've ever owned, I won.  I didn't even ever PAY for an iPod... So crying about needing a new one is probably pretty lame, since I've had my old one for like 5 years.  I guess if no one wants to spring for an iPad, the iPod touch will do.

Why I hate you: You are not an iPad.



 


* Fujifilm Instax Camera 

Why I love you: This little bean is utterly adorable. And I've always had a fascination with polaroid type cameras.  Something about a totally crappy picture that you can have immediately with a cute little white border appeals to me.
Don't question my motives. It is what it is.

Why I hate you: I'd never be able to regularly afford the film for you.



 


 * Vinyl Fence











Why I love you: My neighbors are assholes.  Yeah, I know. You totally think that I'd  be the neighbor asshole, but it's not true.  The dude is a super creeper, and I'd love to be able to go outside and not see undressing me with his eyes, or thinking how he'll kill me in my sleep, or whatever it is he's pondering while he stares at me.

Why I hate you: I wish I didn't need/want  you so bad! Stupid neighbors.



 


* Mom's Home Cookin













Why I love you: Um, you're delicious. And yes, I'm a kissass. Mom, don't ever leave me.

Why I hate you: You SORTOF make me wish I was still living at home...



 

* YakGrips & Clip

  
Why I love you: You make my hands not hurt after hours of kayaking, and provide me with a stable place to put my paddle.

Why I hate you: You decided to abandon me and float down the dirty whore Weber River during the near-death "Incident" of O-Niner. Thanks. A LOT.



 


* Dinner with the bests














Why I love you:  Too many reasons to list.  You make me feel like a special pretty-pretty princess birthday girl and you buy be birthday booze.


Why I hate you: You buy me birthday booze.



 

* Vacation!

  

Why I love you:  HELLO. You're LAS VEGAS. What's not to love?!
(See: Why I hate you section)  This is one thing I KNOW I'm getting (Since I booked it myself).
Manny was awesome enough to buy the plane tickets and hotel for my birthday present and I'm so excited to be going with these assholes.
And of course we'll be getting together with Jeni while we're there.
I've got our itinerary all mapped out and am super stoked. No one better rob my house while I'm gone now that cyber creepers know I won't be there. Especially if there's an iPad in it.  That would be totally UNcool, creepers. UNcool.


Why I hate you: Like I said here:  Stupid Nevada with your loose women, slots and liquor laws. Your amazing qualities also double as your fatal flaws.




Pretty, sparkly presents will surely take my mind off the fact that I'm rapidly careening toward thirty.  It's pretty much a health issue. Don't fail me  :)

1 comment:

Erica said...

Uh. Where the hell is the "My other ride is your mom" sticker?! It didn't even make the list!?