Gay Saturday

One of my best friends killed himself six years ago.
I feel like a liberal gay kid trying to gain acceptance in a conservative straight life just became too much.
I ask myself all the time why it is that people aren't accepting of each other.
Why is it so damn hard?
Why is it easier for people to hurt others than to accept them?
Especially people with lifestyles that aren't replicas of their own.

To this day it's still hard for me to try and picture myself in his place before he took his life. How it was that he could have felt so alone and alienated.

I remember back to Jr. High when he told me that I wouldn't get so many zits if I didn't eat so many french fries, advice I still have not heeded. The summer before we could drive when we spent hours on the phone and drove our parents crazy. High School when we went to dances together and wrote notes which I still read. Trick-or-treating at his parent's house because they gave out twinkies. They still do, and I still go.

Zane was a good friend, before and after I learned he was gay.
He's a total bastard for doing what he did and I'm still pretty pissed off at him, but he was a good friend despite this.

We learned a lot of things through our journey together, and I'm not in anyway a believer of the "things happen for a reason" bullshit, but I do think we were paired at such a young age for a purpose.

A year after Zane's death, I learned that my own brother was gay.
My brother was still my brother, the only thing that this knowledge changed for me was add a new sense of fear.

I worry so much about him. This world, specifically this state, is supremely unjust when it comes to the LGBT community.
I worry that his life will be harder. I worry about the things he'll have to deal with that I never will. I'm scared for his safety.

The reason I'm sharing these things is that I went Saturday to Salt Lake to listen to Judy Shepard speak. She is Matthew Shepard's mother.
Matthew was brutally beaten and left for dead tied to a fence post in Laramie, Wyoming in 1998.
His murderers testified that they attacked him because he was gay.
Judy now speaks out in hopes of passing hate-crime legislation and working toward general acceptance of the LGBT community, not just tolerance.

There were several wonderful things she said, including that those in the LGBT community and their allies need to share their stories and let their voices be heard. She said that stereotypes live on when no one speaks out to change them.

As I said in a previous blog, "when there's love, who loses?"
The fact that so many people get so riled up over "the gays" simply turns my stomach and brings me to tears. They're people, just like everyone else. People who contribute to society, have jobs, pay taxes, have families, white picket fences and love. Yes. They love.
What a terrible crime against society.


I didn't lose a son like Judy Shepard did, but I certainly have had experiences in my life that have made me want to vocalize my feelings in support of a minority who needs and deserves it.

To my gay friends and family members- I love you very much. Never stop being who you are. Never forget that there are people out there who have your back.